Okay so for all those that have been reading about my adventures in Ukraine, thanks for your support and love. I am very appreciative. This blog ended as soon as I got home, in fact it pretty much ended earlier because I didn't really feel like doing e-mail when it got close to the end. I am sorry for my lack of dedication in my e-mails. I was thinking about how it would be sad just to let this blog go to waste and I have had some thoughts and figured a blog is a great way to express myself. I apologize now, I am not a writer. I am sure you all have already realized this from my e-mails. I am not an English major and can't remember anything I learned in the past 10 years of English classes so if my bad grammar and spelling bothers you then, Well you don't have to read this :)
Are you normal yet?
I have come across this question with almost every person I have come in contact with since being home. Sometimes I don't even know who these people are. They just here that I am a returned missionary and have to ask. My question to them and to you as well is, what is normal anyways? When I decided to ask one of those people that asked me if I was "normal," I turned the question back to him. What does that even mean? He then chose to go through a list with me:
- Have you been alone?
- Have you watched TV?
- Have you watched a movie that you hadn't seen before the mission?
- Have you been out on a date?
- Have you held hands with someone?
These were just a few that I could remember. Is that what is normal? Is it really normal to waste my time in font of the TV? Or watching movies all the time? Is holding hands with someone right away something that makes a person normal? Who decides what is normal? Maybe we are all confused and being focused on the gospel really is normal. Haven't we heard from leaders that we are not mortal beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience. I am not going to go all "preachy" and call everyone (including myself) to repentance. It has just been on my mind every time I get asked if I am normal or if I am still "weird." It is something I want to personally figure out what is "normal" for me personally. I want to figure out who I am and what my standards are. I fear that question might be the cause of so many RMs going off the "deep side" once they have come home. they try to conform to society of what is "normal" and they loose everything they were and what they learned the past 18 months to 2 years.
The adjustment is hard. I feel like I have eyes watching me everywhere I go and judging me about how I am going to handle my first hug, my first date or first kiss from being home. It makes me feel pressured. I have been home 4 weeks now and yes there are a lot of things I am still getting comfortable with. There are things that I am okay with and can handle, but there are still things that make me uneasy. I might even wish that I never completely conform to the norm of society. I think I like being "weird." It makes life fun and makes me laugh at myself. Okay Okay I am done. I will get off my soapbox. :D
And for all those curious cats out there.... yes, according to those questions given above, I am normal. Even if this blog post isn't very normal. If anyone has any ideas and want to attempt to answer me of "what is normal?" Please feel free to let me know. Thanks!
Z Lovem
Lauren
